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17 August 2011 @ 06:10 pm
 It's been a while. Anyways the reason I'm posting is to say a few things.

- I happened to meet another livejournal user irl. psychmoonshadow to be exact. We went to an anime convention. It was all in good fun, I will have that posted soon as well.

Also I really like the word jock. IT JUST SOUNDS SO COOL AND... well yeah that's it. I'm not going any farther, perverts ;D
08 August 2011 @ 02:02 pm
What was the biggest lesson learned from your adolescence?

You're never gonna know what life throws at you.
07 August 2011 @ 03:43 pm
 One year goes a long way.
03 July 2011 @ 12:44 am



I'm on vacation. Europe. Peace out.
19 June 2011 @ 07:39 pm
07 June 2011 @ 07:35 pm
 I don't want to read the last post I made, nor am I going to. I might as well keep it up though. I'm not the type of person to delete my faults away. I don't even remember when I wrote it, it's all sort of a blur. I was being hypersensitive to a lot of things, and I was genuinely sick to my stomach. Whatever, I can write about excuses and everything but that wouldn't necessarily be proper. 

I'm not going to apologize for being sensitive. That's who I am. Take it or leave it. Will I work on letting my emotions overwhelm me? Of course. I do tend to let my emotions take grip of me and spur of the moment. I take pride in being sensitive though, and being able to sympathize with people.

What I will apologize for, is the way I came across. I do feel alone, a lot. That's simply the hand I was dealt with in real life. I don't have many people I can talk to as a support. I've been working on that too though, believe it or not. What was wrong of me though, was the air that I put across saying that nobody at all loves me. No. That's wrong. I don't remember what I wrote, but all I need to say is that I do genuinely care for all those that I follow/onmyfriendslist/whathaveyou. I know you all genuinely care for me too. 

It was a stupid and reckless post. I hope you guys can see past it. 
06 June 2011 @ 02:09 am
 I don't even know anymore.

I'm losing interest in everything. Nothing seems worth it anymore. I haven't eaten properly in years. I know I shouldn't be skipping meals, but I don't even fucking care. Life is going to be shitty for the next two years anyways. I can't even go to a party without feeling awkward, because she should be there, seeing everything and talking with everyone. I'm no life of the party, I'm fine sipping whatever fruity cocktail while she goes around and talks to everyone. 

My life is gross. I'm gross. I don't want to live like this. 

I have no friends in real life, at least not somebody I can say who's close. It's just people I talk with while at school because we're in the same class. I have some pseudo-intellectual douche bag one-upping me and making me feel awful. I had people who made me feel awful about my self image for years, I was convinced that I was fat for the longest time. It took me until just recently when I looked in a mirror to make me feel good about myself. Not that anybody would comment. I'm just the one kid that's strung along for everything. I have nowhere to fit, and nobody likes me. I don't blame them. It's not like I do anything special, I'm average in every way. I mean, I don't have anything to do and all I want to do is spend my time on the computer. Nobody gets it. Nobody I know can see that I'm such a fucking wreck. 

Online isn't even fun anymore. I'm just there. I've tried roleplaying, I guess livejournal roleplays just aren't my thing. Fandoms change I guess, and I don't have many people to hang out and talk about the current one. I joined another pokemon forums recently, it's working well so far but I'm still new and I just don't get it. Everyone there says they like me, but they don't even know the real me. They just know the guy who's upbeat on the forums. 

And you all say I'm an awesome person, that I'm strong and intelligent or something. I'm not. I'm normal, and I'm not even that smart of a guy. I sit back and let everybody do everything, even online. You'd think that behind a screen I'd learn to take some sort of initiative, but nope. I'm the biggest fucking pansy ever. STOP  PUTTING ME ON A PEDESTAL. I'm not smart, I'm not all that interesting, or talented. I'm just me. I'm a pathetic slob who doesn't even manage to live life properly. I don't eat, I don't do my homework, I just sit around and wait for something better to happen. 
I just want to make it through highschool.
In the words of one of Lady GaGa's new songs:
"I just want to be myself and I want you to love me for who I am."
I haven't felt the love in a long time.
22 May 2011 @ 08:41 pm
 I bought The Hunger Games.

That is all. I'm enjoying it so far.